Friends I have never net

Paul and Bonnie McKinzie are two Friends that I have never actually met. I met Bonnie through a Christian Message board in which she serves as a Volunteer Administrator. The best of the bunch in my opinion! I am guessing that I have known of Bonnie for the past 6 years or so, possibly longer. I had known a little of Paul & Bonnie's struggles but when I read the article that I am about to post, I was in awe of this womans strength, determination and faith. I know you will be too. Oh yes, in the midst of her own struggles, Bonnie took the time to call me and encourage me after my Fathers accident. I hope you enjoy the read.

Tuesday, March 4, 2008

She remembers for two what Alzheimer's has robbed from her husband

A spouse tells of loving a man who forgets so much.

By BONNIE McKINZIE
Special to the Register
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Valentine's Day was bittersweet to me, and the many other spouses who, for whatever reason, still have their special person, but that person no longer is with the program.

For over 50 years my special guy gave the best hearts, roses, candy and compliments along with tons of his special caring and love. I felt so lucky and so spoiled. Then came Alzheimer's. Slowly, my honey forgot the year, then the month, the day – and even the fact there was a Valentine's Day.

Oh, I know he still loves me; that is, the times that he still knows who I am. Sometimes I am his mother. Or his sister. That hurts a lot. The eternal love we once shared is still there, buried safely deep inside. The only problem is he cannot put into words what we ate for breakfast, or, if in fact, we even had breakfast. And with whom.

So how can I know he really loves me, still? Oh, he says he does. And then he turns and asks me to take him someplace, never mind the fact I am lying down trying to catch my breath from caring for him.

For 50 years, my husband was the eyes, the brain, the hands, and the body who made all the big decisions in our family. And suddenly he cannot recall his favorite food. So now I have to make all the decisions. And, frankly, I don't like it one bit.

I didn't like the diagnosis of breast cancer three years ago, either, but that is beside the point. It does hurt when my special Valentine watches me get out of the shower, stares, and says, "Hey, you only have one breast, where is the other one?" Yeah, the surgeons have it now honey, and I am currently in remission from breast cancer …

To him, I am his gift from heaven, the one thing he loves the most, especially when I will take him out just once more today – and allow him to have just one more soda, even if it is number 14 for the afternoon.

So, missing my lover of over 50 years, missing his insight and his touch, I am exhausted by his care. It is difficult to get help; most people like to think of him as the real estate broker who taught them the ropes, or a strong dad who managed their Little League games, or took them scuba diving, or taught them to water ski, kissed away their boo boos and spoiled the grandchildren. Most cannot bear to think of him the way he is, the way he is always going to be.

Sure, I missed my Valentine, but we still went out for dinner. And we will kiss goodnight, as always. But I would settle for just one more time, if he would, or could, say, "Remember when we took that cruise?" But those days and memories are gone.

I love you honey. When I said "for better or for worse," I didn't know it then. But I mean it now.